What can I do to help my loved one’s transition into the spirit world?
By Bob Olson
Our loved ones don’t “need” our assistance when crossing over to the other side. The process happens unconsciously and instinctively, just like birth yet even more flawlessly. While we humans have learned to control the birth process in order to reduce complications, women were practicing natural childbirth long before we had hospitals. Even if you’ve never witnessed a natural birth, if you’ve ever watched a cat or dog give birth, you know what I’m talking about. There are some natural processes that work just fine without human interference, and death is one of them.
It’s important you understand that you don’t hold the responsibility of your loved one’s transition back to the spirit world on your shoulders, but feel free to pray for their smooth and peaceful transition. It’s always a kind and supportive gesture to pray for another. All you have to do is send them love. There are many people who have had near-death experiences who claim to have seen the light of prayers passing by them in the spirit world like little energy beams of love, which they were told can be quite beneficial to their recipients.
So prayers are not necessary but they are quite beneficial. Still, there are other things you can do to help your loved one who has passed.
Our loved ones feel our grief in the spirit world, so it pains them to see our suffering due to their loss. In order to help your recently deceased loved one, treat yourself with love and kindness by stepping up your self-care regimen. Surround yourself with supporting loved ones who can be there for you in body, mind and spirit. And, if at all possible, see a grief counselor who resonates with your personality.
Keep in mind that grief should never be rushed, as it’s an important process of accepting loss. Nor should it be denied. There’s nothing weak about mourning the death of a loved one. Bereavement is a natural process and an experience that benefits the growth of your soul. Even animals express sorrow due to loss. So be gentle with yourself over the coming months and years following your loved one’s death. It will help them to know you are getting the proper care and support.
At the same time, don’t be hard on yourself for what you could have done better or should have done when your loved one was alive. It’s good to learn from your mistakes, but it helps no one when you beat yourself up about your regrets. Forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you made or things you could have improved and move forward. I have never heard a person in spirit say they didn’t immediately forgive their loved ones for everything that was said or done. They always forgive. And they suffer along with you if you are being too hard on yourself for something of this nature following their passing. So do it for your self and do it for them.
This does not mean that you get to treat others who are still alive just as poorly as you treated the deceased. And it is by no means a free ticket for you to abuse others—or, worse, murder them—by thinking you’ll be forgiven by them in spirit. Rather, a person’s passing is an opportunity for you to learn from your mistakes and become a better person by never repeating that mistreatment, abuse or wrongdoing. If you truly transform yourself by recognizing the errors of your ways (knowing that you can’t fool spirit), you will be both forgiven and supported during your transformation into the person your soul hoped to be in this lifetime.
Furthermore, please know that your loved one does not want or expect you to grieve forever, either. The bereavement process is for your sake, not the deceased. While our loved ones in spirit appreciate being remembered, your never-ending mourning does not honor them. Quite the opposite is true. Since they can feel your anguish, it troubles them to see you suffering. So don’t hang on to your sorrow for their sake. Grieve as long as is necessary but not longer.
In a related story to this question, I was recently with a close friend who had lost her husband about a year prior. He was only 38 years old when he passed. In an exercise of spirit communication, the wife asked her husband if there was anything she could do for him. His answer came through quickly and clearly. He said, “Be happy.”
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