DR. TRISH WHYNOT: “I SO love tackling new, life-changing topics. And this interview promises to help you heal your relationships both living and passed. Here I chat with one of my favorite spiritual counselors, Dr. Trish Whynot (yes, her real name), about how to deal with those unresolved issues we still have with our loved ones in spirit. Did you have an argument just before they died and feel horrible about it? Do you seek forgiveness for something? Were you hurt by them and want them to know it? Did you not realize how much you appreciate them until after they passed, never having the opportunity to express it? Trish’s wisdom is both deep and meaningful, and she gives us all the tools necessary for communicating with our loved ones in spirit without needing a practitioner to assist us. This is a transformational video you’ll want to share with your friends and family, and your loved ones in spirit will benefit from it, too.” ~ Bob Olson, Afterlife TV
DR. TRISH WHYNOT’S BIOGRAPHY: Trish Whynot, D.C.Ed. is a Holistic Counselor, Doctor of C.O.R.E. Education, and author with a practice in Middleton, MA. She utilizes ASAT™ C.O.R.E. Counseling methods, meditation and the Mineral Kingdom in her alternative approach to eliminating the root cause of physical, social, and financial problems.
Her career was born of her pursuit for health and balance. In her counseling and in her personal life she models the joy of embracing the truth, love and beauty that are ever-present yet sometimes obscure.
“Problems are messengers with information significant to the fulfillment of our life purpose,” says Trish. On deciphering the message, the problem can be used as the fuel for growth that it was meant to be and more easily released. Her training as an ASAT™ C.O.R.E. counselor coupled with other metaphysical studies and personal experience, bring clarity and transformation to the root of problems quickly.
Her clients are those desiring to learn, heal and grow from their experiences—those desiring to live more meaningfully, more deliberately, more abundantly, and more extraordinarily. Private appointments with Dr. Trish are available via phone, Skype, or in person at her Middleton, Massachusetts office. She can be reached at 978.314.4545 & via email at [email protected] — or visit her website at TrishWhynot.com
If you’d like to watch this video, Healing Your Relationships With Your Loved Ones In Spirit, visit www.afterlifetv.com/?p=2447
Afterlife TV is presented by Afterlife Investigator & Psychic Medium Researcher Bob Olson, who is the author of Answers about the Afterlife: A Private Investigator’s 15-Year Research Unlocks the Mysteries of Life after Death. Check out Bob Olson’s other sites: BestPsychicDirectory.com (a directory of hundreds of psychics & mediums by location with reviews & Instant Readings) & BestPsychicMediums.com (his personal recommended list of tested psychics and mediums) or visit Bob’s Facebook Page. Bob also has a popular workshop for psychics and mediums at PsychicMediumWorkshop.com. JOIN BOB’S NEWSLETTER: Don’t miss Bob’s latest content about life lessons and life after death on his newsletter called, Bob Olson Connect.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Hey everybody, Bob Olson with Afterlife TV. You can find us at www.afterlifetv.com. This is where we, repeat after me, search for evidence of life after death and ask the meaningful questions around that subject.
Today’s subject is dealing with unresolved issues with our loved ones. Now you think we’ve done it all. We’ve done near death experiences, we’ve talked to mediums, we’ve talked about out of body experiences; you name it.
Here, I’ve tried to come up with something completely different, and, this certainly is. A question that so many people have. So many people have run into this within themselves. If someone dies and there’s some unresolved issues, of all sorts, that they didn’t get to deal with for a million different reasons. And today we’re going to talk about how we can deal with those issues; on our own. We don’t need the help of anybody else. Of course, you could do that if you want to. But that’s what this is what this is all about, empowering you to do this on your own.
Our guest is a spiritual counselor, who has been significant in both my life and my wife, Melissa’s life. I met her in the year 2000, I think it was. I interviewed her, and in fact, had a session with her as a spiritual counselor sort of as a – I thought it was going to be an interview, but it turned into a session. It was so profound that I wrote about it. I’ll put the link to that article underneath this video.
It became a 14-year friendship now. I have recommended this counselor/guru, if you don’t mind me saying my little personal guru, to so many people and every one of them have come to me and said, “Thank you so much for recommending Trish.” We’ll talk more about that in a minute. Let me just start by welcoming you. Dr. Trish Whynot, thanks so much for coming on Afterlife TV.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Hi Bob. Thanks so much for inviting me. I’m really excited to be here.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Well, this is exciting because, first of all, we’ll let people know you help people deal with all sorts of areas of spiritual growth. You’re a counselor. The article that I wrote, which I think is sort of the essence of your work, if I can remember the title it was like…
Dr. Trish Whynot: The Secret To Eliminating The Root Of Your Problems: Physical, Social or Financial.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Thank you very much.
Dr. Trish Whynot: You’re welcome.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And that really gets to the essence of your work or is helping people get to the root of their problems. Anytime myself or Melissa have ever run into issues, you’re our go-to counselor. We go to you. We can do it by phone; we can do it in person, because you’re only about an hour away from us. We’re always able to do that, find the root cause of it and get right to it. That is amazing in itself.
Because of the work that I do, you and I have had many discussions about grief, and how many people have come to you because one of the things that they’re dealing with is grief. And of course, grief is a catalyst towards spiritual growth. So it all fits in perfectly. And Melissa, I have to give credit to her, this was her idea. She said, “Bob, I think it would be great for you to talk with Trish about dealing with unresolved issues with our loved ones in spirit. It’s something that, probably most people haven’t thought of. Most people don’t know how to do.” This is something you’ve dealt with, with a lot of your clients, is it not?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Absolutely! I believe that it accelerates the grieving process, actually.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: What kind of issues are we talking about here? What are some of the various issues that people have after their loved ones have passed, that they haven’t yet dealt with?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Well, sometimes there was an argument and then the loved one dies suddenly. So that’s a really tough one, because there’s a lot of regret that goes with that, and they can’t get past the last words that they had with that loved one. And I believe that a spirit moves on, and so it’s just the body that dies. So just like we, if we have an argument with a loved one, we pick up our cell phone and we talk to them about it. I believe meditation is that avenue for communication with our loved ones that are in spirit, so that we can still resolve those issues with them.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Which is a great gift. I never thought of it until doing some work with you. And of course, I’ve done this. My father has been in spirit since ‘97; sort of what launched me into this whole area of investigation. Because of that, I’ve been able to deal with a lot of things with him and other loved ones. They do – they run the gamut of all sorts of things. Some people I know have felt bad because they weren’t able to be there when their loved ones passed. Like you said, I think one of the worst ones is the argument. Having the argument and then they die soon after.
I know a lot of people when you’re dealing with suicide, so many people feel somehow responsible. That they maybe could have done more that might have prevented it. The list goes on, and on, and on. How can some of these unresolved issues manifest in our lives? What kind of negative things can happen to us emotionally and psychologically, that might turn up as a result of some of these things?
Dr. Trish Whynot: What will turn up because we didn’t resolve?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. Because one of the things that I’ve learned in working with you, is that a lot of times, we’re dealing with what we think is one thing and we find out it’s something else.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: So I’m wondering how these unresolved issues with the deceased loved ones might show up and we might not even realize that that’s what it actually is.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Well, what happens is that, we believe we weren’t good enough. We didn’t do a good enough job in that relationship and then that “not good enough” starts to show up in other areas of our lives. Because if we haven’t resolved it inside of ourselves, then we move forward trying to make-up for it. And if we’re trying to make up for something, it believes that we’re unworthy. And we’re trying to prove that we’re worthy through trying to make-up for it. So we need to resolve that inside of ourselves and to retrieve that value and power that we’ve lost through resolving that issue.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Wow! I can see the depth of it. There’s great depths to this. What can be done? How is it we go about resolving these kinds of issues that we have with our loved ones in spirit?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Because when we don’t feel good about ourselves, we don’t make the best choices. The way that we would resolve it inside of ourselves would be meditatively. So to go into meditation, to invite that loved one into our meditation, to talk about what was unresolved, and to tell them whatever it is.
If it’s a situation that, an argument or something like that, or some unfinished business that we never really dealt with, we can talk to them about what happened, how it happened; the feelings around it to get it off of our chest. And then from there, we can sort through what those feelings are and the story that we told ourselves about that issue. Believe it or not, we can also hear the loved one’s side, in meditation.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: I can attest to that, yes.
Dr. Trish Whynot: But in order to hear their side, we need to release the emotions, because the emotions are like static. So if you think about – now I’m going to age myself – when I was little, and there was UHF, I believe I was channels 38 and 56 came out. You had to dial in and you’re trying to dial in so it’s not snowy. Then when you were trying to dial it in, you realized, “Oh, there’s some other stations, too.” But I can barely see. So our emotions are like static. They prevent us from seeing the situation clearly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: I see.
Dr. Trish Whynot: So once we resolve our emotions, then we realize that our loved one had a side too.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Right.
Dr. Trish Whynot: We can only see our side when we’re taking something personally.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Interesting. So it gives us this opportunity to step back and think about maybe their side of it. Maybe why they did, or said the things that they said. Where, at first, we might be overcome with how that made us feel.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Cool. You know it’s interesting… I think it would be difficult to talk about this subject without talking about the fact that we can do this with our living loved ones, as well. It’s very similar, and I’ve done that too with you. One of the benefits to it, I just want to mention and you can expand on this, is this idea of sometimes this is a more appropriate way to do it.
I know sometimes people get a little hot and they’ll fire off an email to somebody, and then maybe regret that later. How could we do that more appropriately, using this sort of meditation? It’s the same idea, right?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly. Absolutely. Well, the thing is that when we fire off an email, we’re reacting to the situation. What we’re not realizing is that as adults, as a rule, when our emotions are triggered about 10 or 20% percent are from the current situation, and the other 80 or 90% is old stuff that has just bubbled up to the surface, due to the current trigger. So that poor other person gets a 100% percent of what we’re feeling, when really, it only warranted about 10 or 20%.
So through meditation, we can let it all hang-out there, 100%. And then we might realize, “Wow, I’m feeling way more than this situation should warrant,” rather than feeling justified in shooting off that email. And then we start to see other times when we’ve felt that way will start to bubble up when we ask ourselves, “Geez, have I felt this way before? Oh, yeah. Over here, over here, over there…” Then we can release that emotion where it was created. Because our society has a tendency to believe that pretending that we’re not bothered is being strong. And we’re just lying to ourselves and to other people when we’re pretending.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. People have different rituals for doing this. The idea they’ll type out a letter or write out a letter and then burn it, and all that sort of thing. It’s sort of the same idea. But what I’ve found about this process of doing it through meditation, I’ll let the audience know – I’m not a big mediator. I don’t sit around meditating all the time. This doesn’t come naturally for me, but I’ve done it with you. I’m better at guided meditation. So while I say this is something everybody can do on their own, I’m the kind of person who prefers to have someone guide me through it, alright?
What I’ve found – because I’ve done the other things too – the writing it down, burning it and all that – and one of the things I don’t get is that second step that you talk about; recognizing their side to it. You sort of burn it and it’s out there and whatever. I can’t really remember whether that made me feel better or not. I’m sure it had its affect. Like standing at attention has its affect. But what I love is that second part to it. So just tell us a little bit more.
The second part being that now we take it beyond us, and we’re actually able to get answers. How about those people who don’t meditate, like me? How hard is it for them to sort of receive those answers in meditation, to really understand what the other person is feeling. Do you see that happen with pretty much everybody, or are there some people who can’t do it?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Well, I use the term meditation really loosely. It’s a way to quiet our minds so that we can see the current situation with clarity. I picture it like our lives being like a stage and meditation helps us to view it from the balcony rather than being the main character in it. Or another way to look at is to slow down and to review something that already happened frame by frame. Whereas in a minute, it feels like it happens just like this, and we need to revisit. “Geez, what just happened there?” And meditation is a great way to do that. Even meditative writing, I recommend that for a lot of my clients.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: What would meditative writing be?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Meditative writing would be, like you said, writing that person a letter that you have no intention of sending. Letting it all hang out there. So the same format that I take a client through meditatively, they can do through meditative writing.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. So define it a little bit more, because it’s a great point that you brought up about meditation. It’s using your imagination. I know you’re going to take us through a meditation, which is something we’ve never done on Afterlife TV, so I’m kind of excited about it. We’ll see how that goes. I think it’s neat and I think a lot of people are going to appreciate that.
But just a little bit of the step-by-step; I know that with me, you’ve always had me visualize going into a place that I feel very safe and comfortable. For some reason, it’s always been by a body of water, or something like that where it’s very peaceful, the sun’s shining down on me. But the second step is you always bring in my higher self. I don’t know why I always picture this guy with grey hair and grey beard, and all of that. Maybe I think of older people as having wisdom, so that’s probably it.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: So, my higher self is there, I’m there – you put us in this safe circle. Tell us a little bit more about how that works.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Okay. So I bring you to a place. Well you choose the place, actually where all the elements bring feelings of safety to you. So the beauty of the place, is not what other people think is beautiful and what’s beautiful to you. The sounds that bring feelings of safety to you, the smells, the feel of the place, the warmth of your favorite temperature. So you’re completely at home with yourself in this place.
Your higher self is the part of you that sees your life with clarity. We also have lesser selves. They’re not less valuable, but they have lesser tools, and they look at life through wounded eyes. Most people view their lives through the eyes of their wounded selves, and tell themselves a story about what’s going on, based on that wound. So when we invite our higher self to come in, we ask our higher self, “What do you see,” basically, in essence. Which is the truth versus the wounded story.
Our higher self, I believe, loves us unconditionally. It’s a part of us. It can help us to see our life with clarity, but it honors our free will. So if we choose to look at through our wounded eyes, our higher self will not interfere. Because that would be interfering with our ability to make a choice. The minute we ask, they’re always there, and we start to realize “Geez, there might be another story.”
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: When you think of the higher self, does it matter? Some people might think of that as their whole self, their soul, their spirit guides. I don’t know. Is there a right or wrong way to think of this higher self?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Well, I guess I don’t really get caught up in the titles of them. We all have our own, unique relationship with spirit. I know, before I even knew the term “higher self,” I knew that I had this wise, inner voice that might say something to me that didn’t make any sense, but later it would make perfect sense. Our intuition, you could say. So our higher self, I believe, is that intuitive voice. It always has everyone’s best interest at heart.
So that’s kind of how I can discern if it’s a lesser self or my higher self. Is it God? I don’t know. I don’t really care. I just know that I have this wise inner voice that speaks to me, and it always has everyone’s best interest at heart. If the voice is saying to do something, “Well, it might hurt this other person, but it’s going to benefit me,” that’s not my higher self. That’s one of my lesser selves trying to justify a choice that it wants me to make. So that’s how I discern.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Okay. Alright. When I’m visualizing my higher self there, am I actually bringing somebody in that might not normally be there? Or do you think of it as someone who’s always there, but it’s me sort of becoming conscious of that higher self?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. I believe that our higher self is always, always there, but we’re not connected to it. It’s kind of like the internet these days. It’s always there, always connected but we might not be sitting at our computer. But we’re always pretty close to a connection, right? Similarly, with our higher self, it’s always there, but we might forget to call on it; that we don’t realize that it’s available. We can’t logically figure out how it can help us with the situation, so we don’t ask.
I find that when I ask that’s when the miracles happen. That’s when things start to fall into a place in a way that I could not have wrapped my mind around. Had I not called on my higher self, it wouldn’t have happened because I wouldn’t have been open to it, not because it wasn’t possible.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. Right. I know forgiveness is sort of a big unresolved issue for people. Some people feel like it’s too late to forgive the person, we’ll say, after they have passed. I’m assuming that’s not true.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. I believe that forgiveness is a gift to the one who forgives. There’s a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And tell us about that. What is that?
Dr. Trish Whynot: With forgiveness, it’s about forgiving someone for the reasons why they did what they did. Some things people do are just unforgiveable, but the person is not. The person is not, the person is always forgivable. We can forgive them for their ignorance. We can forgive them for their arrogance. We can forgive them for their pain that came spilling over onto us, because hurt people hurt people. No one who feels all great about themselves goes around hurting people.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Right.
Dr. Trish Whynot: So we want to forgive them for their hurt that they didn’t know what to do with. What makes that easy, because a lot of times that’s very, very difficult to do. I’m not going to lie. We feel like a victim and it is really hard to forgive someone; to have compassion for them when we’re taking their behavior personally.
One of the keys to being able to do that is to ask ourselves, our higher self in particular, “Geez, how might I do my own version of what they did to me? How might my pain, when I don’t know what to do with it, comes spilling over onto those I love?” And once we ask, the answer will be revealed to us. Sometimes when we first start meditating, then answer comes right in the meditation. It might come later while you’re in the shower or while you’re driving to work, but the answer comes when you ask for it.
So it might be that you realize, “Oh, wow, there have been times where I’ve been really short with someone I love, and that was my pain from work, spilling over onto my loved one when I came home for the evening.” They may have done a little thing that just triggered us, that if we hadn’t had a bad day at work, it wouldn’t have bothered us at all.
So we start to see our own emotional immaturity and how it plays itself out. Then we can choose to find a way to develop emotionally so we don’t do that anymore. Again, that’s meditation, realizing that only about, maybe in that case, maybe five percent was the person that triggered us; our loved one when we got home from work. The other 95% could have been from work and we just hurt that person because we didn’t know quite how to deal with that other stuff.
So if we can do it in meditation, we can release it all there and then resolve it, and see, “Geez, what was that showing me about myself at work?” Then maybe come back to work and have a conversation, rather than blaming our boss or co-worker for how we’re feeling. Or sometimes it might end up being a non-issue. Sometimes when we resolve something meditatively, it’s not even worth bringing up in the end. It was just stirring up a bunch of old stuff.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah, because you’re beyond it. You’re past it. You’re not feeling the pain that you were feeling before associated with it.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: It seems like there’s a few steps here. I don’t know what the first step is. I can’t define it with clarity. It’s something like the willingness to be able to look at the issue and maybe look at the other person’s side to it. Is that how you might define it? Is that sort of where you have to start?
Dr. Trish Whynot: I look at everything as we always get half-credit for any encounter. If we’re hurt by someone else, we get half-credit for that.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Okay. Why?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Because if we didn’t have a wound that was already there, we wouldn’t have taken their behavior personally.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Ahh. Okay.
Dr. Trish Whynot: We would have acknowledged, “Oh, how interesting. That person must really be having a bad day.” Rather than, “Oh, my God. How rude. How inappropriate.” Blah, blah, blah.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: One of the four agreements. I think, is it the first one? I don’t know. I think it’s the first agreement. Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t Take It Personally. It’s brilliant. But we do. So when we do, that’s a little red flag for us to say, “Oh, maybe this is something that I can heal. Maybe I’m partly responsible for this.”
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. I guess the way I look at it a little differently, – and actually this quote is in my book that, “Real strength is born of humility. Having the courage to admit when I am bothered and knowing how to use my feelings to lighten my past, to illuminate my present, and to brighten my future.”
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. So the first step is the willingness to want to see all sides to it and look at this with greater clarity than you are, because that’s why you’re feeling the pain.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And the second step would be …
Dr. Trish Whynot: And seeing the person as a gift; that this encounter is a gift.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Right. Yes. Exactly. So anytime, we’re feeling pain in life, especially emotional pain, that’s an opportunity for us to grow, right?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And that’s the gift.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. And we have a choice. We can choose to be less because of that experience, or we can choose to be more because of it.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Okay. And it’s not that we always have to have a counseling session with that person, we can use what we’re talking about here instead.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: But the second step then, is when you go into meditation, is to actually ask what their side of it is. Ask why they acted in the way that they did, is that right?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: The third step would be to ask, “How have I done this to others or myself.”
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: I love that. That’s beautiful and when you get to that point, now you’re relating with that person in a new way that you weren’t able to do when you started.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly. See, when you started you were in separation. They did this to me. They’re wrong and bad. I’m the victim. When you come to that place of asking, “What are they showing me about myself,” you’re coming to a place of oneness. It’s like, “Wow, I’ve done that too.”
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Beautiful.
Dr. Trish Whynot: And that’s when we can forgive. Trying to forgive someone else before we’ve forgiven ourselves is like trying to put the cart before the horse.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Is there an issue like forgiveness that stands out above the rest, that tends to be very difficult for people to deal with when we’re talking about their loved ones in spirit, after someone has passed? Or is forgiveness the number one?
Dr. Trish Whynot: I guess forgiveness, again because like I said, it begins with us. We have to start with forgiving ourselves in order to have that resolution. Even connecting with spirit, the spirit of our loved ones, when we haven’t forgiven ourselves, we have this unfinished business between us. So it is hard for us to connect with them.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: So that would include, if we weren’t able to get there before they passed, or we realize we weren’t part of the care giving in their last months or years. Or even in hindsight, we go, “I guess I could have been a better father, mother, brother, sister, friend to that person.” This all sort of comes down to forgiving ourselves.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right, because in essence we’re saying we’re not worthy of the love from that loved one when we say we didn’t do a good enough job. The other thing to realize is that we don’t have to be there for everybody, but we could always desire for them to have all their needs met.
So to me, that is always being there for someone, without having to – because it’s not always possible to physically be there, for someone. And then we feel like we should’ve been after they pass. If we can have our desires for them to have what it is that they need, even if it doesn’t come from us, we feel like we’ve been supportive the whole time.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: That’s beautiful.
Dr. Trish Whynot: We forget that, and that’s when the higher selves come in as well.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: You touched upon this already, but I want to close in on it and just make sure that everybody understands. What would be the conflict resolution skills that we use in dealing with the living versus the deceased? Are they different or are they the same? What’s the difference between the two of them?
Dr. Trish Whynot: They are the same. I guess the difference in the conflict resolution is that the feelings are a little different when say, there’s a break-up. Or we have a falling out with a friendship. That person is still walking around on the planet, so it brings up other feelings for us. Maybe feelings of rejection that we didn’t experience with a loved one that passes.
But the other thing is that any loss, that we experience, will bring up any other unresolved loss. So back to that 10 to 20% from the current situation, the other 80 or 90% is old stuff that’s coming up for closure, if we choose, with the current trigger.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: So another opportunity arises for all these other losses we’ve had in our lives that we haven’t dealt with yet.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Okay. Again, the theme here – one of the many themes that are going on through this conversation is that all the conflicts, all the emotions that we’re feeling in our relationships, whether that be with the living or the deceased, are opportunities for us to look at them with greater clarity and maybe derive some lesson from that, or closure even.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Or even in realizing that maybe when we experience the other loss, that we didn’t have the emotional maturity that we have now to properly grieve it. Or there could have been a gift there that we missed. I believe that when someone moves on they always leave us with a gift. So a current situation that triggers emotion, will send us back into our past to get something that we forgot that we need now, moving forward
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. I’m going to ask kind of a weird question. I don’t know that you have an answer to this one, it just popped into my head. You know how when – I’m just going to hypothetically – there’s a person who’s really mean and nasty through their whole life, right? And then they die and all these people who thought of them as mean and nasty and really did not want to be around them, all of a sudden, “Oh, they’re such a great person. Oh I miss them so much. They’re lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely.” I don’t know what than phenomenon is that causes us to do that because we all do it.
It seems like that would make what we’re talking about, this conflict resolution with anybody, more difficult than with someone who’s still living. Because of this concept that we all of a sudden put them on this pedestal that maybe they don’t even deserve, I don’t know. Have you run into that with your clients where all of a sudden you recognize this idea that they can deal with people who are still living in one way, but then when it comes to someone who’s passed, it just so much more difficult?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Well, I think maybe some of it has to do with feeling shame over being so harsh, so critical of the other person when they were living, so they would have to deal with their own feelings. Condemnation, you could say, towards the other person. There could be that. Oftentimes, there’s denial at first. So if they’re kind of in denial of their feelings that they’ll just be looking at kind of being a little fictitious with making up how great the person was. I’m not sure what else that could be. I’ll have to think about that for a minute.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Certainly, there’s a little bit of PC stuff going on there because nobody wants to speak ill of….
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right, right, right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: …those who are deceased, right? Everybody’s being extra kind. But I love that idea that if we were judging someone in any way, and now they’ve passed, it’s really a slap in the face that all of a sudden we’re looking at it in a new way. Maybe part of it too is this person doesn’t have the opportunity to stick up for themselves anymore; at least not in a normal way. But of course they do.
Dr. Trish Whynot: The epitome of talking about someone behind their back, right?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yes, that’s right. When in reality, now they see it more than ever. So anyways, that was just an odd thought that came to me.
I also know that, and this is sort of similar to that last idea, is a lot of people regret not appreciating somebody until they’ve passed. So this is a little different, but I can see the similarities in it, and maybe this is part of it. I do think it’s a common issue too. So all of a sudden someone passed, we’re just so busy, busy in our lives, right? Then all of a sudden this person’s gone. Maybe it was a sudden death; unexpected death. And we never really got this opportunity to show them how much we appreciate them. Is that something you’ve run into before?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Oh, totally. And they way I’ve seen it, is that we don’t realize how someone touches us until they’re gone. Sometimes someone goes on vacation for a couple of weeks and it gives us an opportunity to appreciate them. In our society, we seem to be so programmed that you have to stay in touch with people to prove that you’re a good friend, or a good spouse, that we don’t give ourselves that space to really appreciate each other or even to look at what we don’t like about our relationship, so that we can come back and make it better.
I don’t know, I kind of blame Hallmark sometimes for that. Making us feel guilty for stepping away and doing something else. But I believe that that distance gives us an opportunity to express what we’re grateful for about that other person. And so sometimes death is when we really experience that and we don’t realize how much we cherished that person until they’re gone, and so meditation is a great way to acknowledge that.
Also, too through the grieving process, to me, that’s when we’re coming out the other side of the grieving process is when we’re noticing what it is that we love about that person. Because what we’re grieving is what we miss about them, which is showing us what we love so much about them. That also, I believe, that that is part of gift that they’re giving us in their passing. They’re showing us where we need to love ourselves better, or we could use to love ourselves better let’s just say, because we could take over where they left off.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Interesting. So once again, you’ve brought it around to us, as well. And this is something that you do with all clients, I imagine. Sort of those three steps – the willingness to get clarity on this issue, seeing the other person’s side to it, and then bringing it back to us and how we can learn and grow from that. I love that. That’s very cool.
We talked about doing a meditation. Were you actually thinking of taking us through a meditation or just sort of the step-by-steps of what you were going to do?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Well, I was going to take you through an accelerated version of it, maybe. Because I think showing is better than telling with meditation
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. I agree. Could we do it with this idea of the appreciation topic that we were just doing.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Absolutely. I would love to do that, because I feel like it doesn’t get enough press; the appreciation part. We’re focused more on the glass is half empty, rather than the glass is half full.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. And speaking of Hallmark, we could probably buy a Hallmark card and still write it out and send it to them. We could start there and then we could do this meditation.
I’m going to take notes, in case I have any questions afterwards. It’s not that I’m not paying attention. I don’t want to appear rude, but as I’m listening to you, if I look like I’m writing people, I want you to know that I’m just preparing for after it. So why don’t you take us through that. I’m excited. This’ll be cool.
Now, I should say, I think, my lawyer would probably tell me to say, “If you’re driving or operating heavy machinery, or babysitting a young child, you should not do this right now.”
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Turn this off and do it when there’s a better time to do it. Otherwise, if you’re in a nice quiet space and you can do it, let’s go through this together.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Okay. Well, what I’d like to do if you’re up for this Bob, is I’d like to take you through the meditation.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Oh, all right. Never mind, so I won’t write anything down.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Anyways, what I’d like to do is take you through the meditation and have you ask me the questions right while we’re meditating, because that’s exactly what I do with a client.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Oh. Oh, okay.
Dr. Trish Whynot: They talk to me and I talk to them. I ask them questions sometimes. I encourage them to ask me questions if they’re confused. So that’s why I say I use the term meditation loosely.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Okay.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Yeah.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: So do I have to think of – I’ll just think of me dad. That’s fine.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Yeah. Perfect.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah. Lot’s of things I appreciate about him, now that I wasn’t able to do…
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: …back then.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. And also that you appreciate because you have released a lot of the emotional charges that you had.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah.
Dr. Trish Whynot: See that’s the thing, is that we can even appreciate them for showing us through, say spilling over of their emotions that they didn’t know what to do with, that we learned the importance of developing our own emotional maturity. We can be grateful for that even.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Definitely. Well, my father always said to me, “If I’ve done anything right, it’s served as a bad example for you.” He would agree with than part.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Perfect. So we can be more because of, or even despite of other people. It’s our choice.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: That’s right. Hey, just don’t do what he did. Yeah, see he taught me.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: All right, let’s do it.
Dr. Trish Whynot: So, I’ll just guide you through and you can ask questions or I’ll ask you questions. So just close your eyes. So just taking some nice, deep centering breaths, and I’m going to let you do what you do to tell your body that you’re preparing to meditate.
And as you continue to relax, keeping your physical eyes closed, is like closing your meditative eyes. Now I’m going to count down from seven to one, and on the count of one find yourself in a safe place in nature. Some place that brings feeling of safety to you. So closing your mental eyes I’m going to count down seven…going deeper with each descending number…six…five…feeling yourself letting go, however, that feels to you…four…going deeper…three…two…and one.
Opening your mental eyes, finding yourself in your safe place, and just taking a minute to open all your senses up to this place. Looking at the colors, the scenery hearing the sounds of safety in this place, smelling the smells, and feeling the feelings of safety. You might be feeling the warmth of your favorite temperature, or a gentle breeze caressing your face, and then inviting your higher self to be there with you.
When I introduce a client to their higher selves, I talk about, initially picturing them as a spark of light, just outside of your safe place and then inviting their higher self in, that sparks starts towards them, and it gets bigger and brighter as it does. And when it gets close, their higher self will step out of the light to greet them, and sometimes they just get as far as the light, and that’s fine.
In greeting your higher self, letting your higher self greet you, thanking them for coming. And letting your higher self know that you would like to express some appreciation towards a loved one that has passed over and you would like their help with that. Then you can find a part of your safe place where you can go to have this meeting. So picture yourself and your higher self, walking around, asking your higher self to designate a spot that would be good to meet this loved one.
Once you picture you’re in that spot, and really be active in your meditation. Picture yourself looking at the scenery as your walking to this place, being guided by your higher self. Then to invite the loved one into your safe place. Picturing them coming from the edge of safety towards you. Sometimes we might close our mental eyes and count to three, and when you open them seeing the loved one coming towards you. You can also do it like that. Can you picture your dad there?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yes.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Great. And then greeting your dad. Thanking him for coming. Letting him greet you, and just taking a minute to talk with him about your gratitude, your appreciation for the things that he did that were great, for the things that he did that weren’t so great, and for how you’ve become all the more because of them.
Everyone who touches us becomes a part of who we are today. It’s our choice whether we choose to be more, or to be less because of those touches. It is not up to the other person to make that decision. That’s the good news. So really open your heart, let yourself be touched by your dad being in your life. Receiving the gifts, the value, expressing the gratitude, breathing it in. Can you tell us how it feels, Bob?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: I mean, it’s amazing. It’s an amazing feeling. Yeah, because I can feel his presence and I remember what that’s like. And I can hear his voice, which is amazing. Something about voices, there’s energetic vibration to a voice that has its own signature.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And when you hear it again, it just makes you all warm and fuzzy.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. And the breathing it in thing, I think is really important because when you let yourself feel love, you feel a presence in your heart. And from there, you have a choice to brush it off, or to breathe it in. And when you breathe it in, it just glows like an ember glows when you blow on it. It fills you and takes you to heavenly heights.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Right.
Dr. Trish Whynot: And that’s what happens when we express gratitude, and we really let people touch us. And then when you feel like the meeting is complete; because you usually know. You either get antsy or distracted, you thank your dad for coming, and he will thank you for inviting him. Off he will go, and then you can thank your higher self for helping you to create this meeting, and asking your higher self to do any healing that’s ready to be done with you around this, so receive it even more, and again, breathing it in.
And then I’m going to count from one to five, and on the count of five to open your eyes, feeling a little lighter, a little brighter and a little wiser. On the count of five…one…two…three…feeling yourself coming back into the room…four…wiggling your fingers and your toes, bringing yourself back…and five. Open your eyes. Take a nice deep breath in. Make sure to exhale out.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: What I love about that is it’s so easy. I’ve done many times with you, so it was easy for me to jump right into that. I think the more I do it, the easier it gets, and the more multi-sensory it gets for me. You know when my father and I embraced upon saying hello, it really felt like he was hugging me.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Wow!
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: That’s a gift that you can’t put words to it, you can’t put a price on. One of the things that I recognized in just doing that was, I hadn’t thought about it, but you mentioned it while I was there, was even just to share some of the things that one might have thought of as negative, but that became gifts for me.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Not only did I own that, but he was able to own that in a very positive light. I felt his already bright light, lighten up even more; probably recognizing that I recognized it, you know what I mean.
Because I’m sure that where he’s at he did. Again, so much about what your work is all about is this idea of being able to see even the negative things, certainly the positive ones as we’re talking about here, the appreciation for him.
He lights up with the appreciation, but even the appreciation of the negative stuff, because those things are gifts and opportunities for us to learn and grow. You know one of the things I thanked him for was all the work that he’s done with me since his passing. I have had that opportunity. I’ve tested mediums for 14 years now, and he’s shown up at every reading. I mean, what a commitment that it.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. Can I just share one thing too about that, what you said about sharing what you learned with him?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Please.
Dr. Trish Whynot: So, for example, if you share that, “Wow, I really learned the importance of developing emotionally so that my hurt doesn’t spill over onto other people.” It would be like an ah-ha moment for him; “Oh my God, that’s what was happening for me. I hated how I would make other people feel. I would feel awful about it afterwards, but I couldn’t understand what I was doing.”
You see, so when you share what you learn, it’s like the dominos topple one way, and when you learn from it, they start to go the other way. When it goes this way, it’s spreading suffering. When you learn from it, you spread healing in the other direction.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah.
Dr. Trish Whynot: That’s what I believe, anyways.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: It’s beautiful because I did an interview a couple of interviews ago, with a medium, Mavis Pittilla. We talked about the reasons why our loved ones in spirit world want to communicate with us, and this is one of them. They’re working out through their own life review, and their own contemplation of their previous life, all the things that they can learn and grow from in an eternal way.
So for us to be able to help them with that, while also helping ourselves to feel better about that relationship; I mean, appreciation is such a gift to ourselves, to appreciate anything in our lives. That’s what gratitude is all about. We could do a whole thing on gratitude. But to recognize how this is also helping our loved ones in spirit, wow, that’s incredible. It adds sort of exponentially, the power of doing this kind of work.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly. Right. It’s a crowded room.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Yeah.
Dr. Trish Whynot: And the other thing is that with meditation, it’s stepping out of our lives, kind of to practice, and then before you know it, a lot of the stuff you start doing in the moment with people, which is the coolest thing ever.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Right. Skipping the steps of stumbling….
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: …and then having to pick yourself up. You stop it along the way.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right. So before you know it, in the moment you realize, “Oh, how interesting, I’m taking this person’s behavior personally. What might they be showing me about myself?” Or when we feel love we realize, “I want really let this touch me. I don’t want to brush it off,” because it’s so easy for us to take something bad that happens, and just wear it for the rest of the day. To just brush off the love, rather than, why don’t we wear the love for the rest of the day?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Well, that’s so true. And one of the things that he taught me, and I told him in this meditation was – he just had a huge heart, a huge, open heart and he let everybody know that he loved them. And I’ve carried that forth in his memory, having learned that from him. I saw that as something that even as a child, that I wanted to emulate. I think you can attest to it. I tell you how much I appreciate you all the time
Dr. Trish Whynot: Yes.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And not everybody does that, but it’s one of the gifts that he’s given me. In doing this exercise, I could see that people who might not do that normally, you’re now expressing appreciation to our loved ones in spirit, and now you might start doing that to the people who are still here on a regular basis. Because you recognize how much it makes you feel great and how it makes them feel great.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Exactly.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: And if it’s done authentically, everybody wins. Yeah. I love that.
Any last words of wisdom in this way? I think we could talk, and talk, and talk about it, but we’re running out of time. Any final words that you want to mention about this?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Well, I guess on the note of gratitude and appreciation, when we can bring forth what we love about someone, it inspires them to be their best selves. Just like, you we had talked about at the beginning, when we feel regret and we’re feeling bad about ourselves that we didn’t do a good enough job in the relationship, it brings out the worst in us.
It’s important for us to look at what is beautiful about ourselves and with other people. Not to ignore the other stuff, but to look at the other stuff as areas that could use a little improvement and seeking that improvement, rather than beating ourselves down. Realizing that everybody’s giving life their best shot.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Right.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Sometimes we have better days than others, and we can always bring more to every encounter.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: That’s beautiful. I’ll just share this one little thing. Every morning I walk my dog, and I have a little Mala, which for those who don’t know, it’s just a little string that has 108 beads on it. Sometimes, and this is the favorite thing that I do; I set intentions with that. Because for 10 or 15 minutes, I’m actually telling the Universe what I want in my life.
But so often I go through each bead, and I talk about what I’m grateful for in my life. I say, “Thank you for the blessings,” and I’ll think of a certain blessing in my life. I’m kind of going through that experience 108 times. It might be that I have five things for one person, and move on to the next person about the things that I appreciate, not only in my life, but in other people.
By the time I get through doing this, like maybe 10 or 15 minutes; it doesn’t take much time, but I feel so much better. What a great way to start my day. It’s a little mediation in itself where you can rapidly go through a bunch of people who are still living, or people who have passed. Anyways, I thought I’d share with people.
What I do want to talk about; I want to talk about your book. Now your book is not specifically about this subject. Your book is about all the work that you do. They’ve now got a sense of who you are and what you’re all about and so I highly recommend this book.
It’s called, Why Me? Why Now? Why Not? A little play on your name there, which I love. But how many of us ask that question, “Why Me? Why Now?” And then to answer, “Well, why not? Why not now? Why not you?”
I think people having watched this interview will already get a sense of the answers to that. Talking about the opportunities that come up, the gifts, and the negative things, as well as the positive things in life. And those three stages that we talked about: The willingness to seek clarity, asking for it, so you see the other person’s side, and turning around and bringing it back to yourself and how you can learn and grow from it. I love that.
This book is filled with, how many chapters are there? Filled with 12 chapters?
Dr. Trish Whynot: Have you checked?
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Twelve chapters. Amazing lessons. You talk about all sorts of things that happen to us in life that are so important, and you do exactly that in each one. You turn it around so that we learn something about ourselves. Not just how to resolve and issue that we have with another person, but then how we can learn and grow from that and become a better people overall, and live a happier, more joyful, healthier life.
I can’t recommend it enough. Again, I’ll show it to people. Why Me? Why Now? Why Not? There’ll be links to it below this video. Not just about this subject we’re talking today, but certainly something that if anybody’s interested in spiritual growth, which I know all of our audience is interested in, learning about, that’s what it’s about.
Your website is www.trishwhynot.com, correct.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: That’s really your last name, right, Whynot.
Dr. Trish Whynot: It really is. I married it.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: You married into it. All right, that’s good. And people can find out more about your work there. You can help people with their grief, you can help people with issues that they’re dealing with, you can help people find the root of the problems.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Right.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Physical, social, emotional, spiritual; whatever it is that they want to deal with.
Thank you so much for doing this today. I really appreciate it and I know our audience is going to gain an enormous amount from it.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Thanks so much having me, Bob. It was a blast.
Bob Olson, Afterlife TV: Alright. Bye now.
Dr. Trish Whynot: Bye.
Afterlife TV is presented by Afterlife Investigator & Psychic Medium Researcher Bob Olson, who is the author of Answers about the Afterlife: A Private Investigator’s 15-Year Research Unlocks the Mysteries of Life after Death.
Check out Bob Olson’s other sites: BestPsychicDirectory.com (a directory of hundreds of psychics & mediums by location with reviews & Instant Readings) & BestPsychicMediums.com (his personal recommended list of tested psychics and mediums) or visit Bob’s Facebook Page. Bob also has a popular workshop for psychics and mediums at PsychicMediumWorkshop.com.
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