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The Inevitable Dialogue: What To Do & Say To The Dying

DR. LANI LEARY: “Death is inevitable and yet we are so unprepared for it. This episode teaches us what we need to know, need to do, and need to say to the dying and grieving. We are all going to die and, if we live long enough, we are going to be with someone who is dying. In this episode, Dr. Lani Leary shares her amazing experiences and insights about 1) What children need when someone is dying (or has died), 2) What the dying need from us as family, friends and caregivers, and 3) What we need to think about ahead of time to make our own dying experience better.

“Only a few avid fans of Afterlife TV were fortunate enough to see this interview, and now is your opportunity to see what you missed. Even if you don’t like to think about death, you’ll be happy that you saw this episode. Lani’s stories are as captivating and entertaining as they are educational. And her life story gives us a hint of how the universe/God, our souls and our spirit guides set up our lives to experience what we came here to do. One of the top three interviews I’ve done in terms of meaning and importance, this is one you’ll never forget.” ~ Bob Olson, Afterlife TV


Dr. Lani Leary discusses what matters most to the dying and bereaved.

CONTACT DR. LANI LEARY: Dr. Lani Leary welcomes your questions or comments about this video and subject. If you have questions or comments for her, you can contact her at [email protected]. Tell her you saw the Afterlife TV interview with her.


To Purchase Dr. Lani Leary’s Book No One Has To Die Alone: (link takes you to Lani’s book page).

Lani Leary, Ph.D. specializes in work with chronically ill, dying, and bereaved clients. She has worked for the past 25 years as a psychotherapist in private practice, as a chaplain in the intensive care unit of a hospital, and as a counselor in 6 hospices across the country.

She served as the director of mental health services at an AIDS clinic, as a professor of Death Studies at George Mason University, and as a researcher at the National Cancer Institute of NIH. Lani has spoken nationally at over 250 conferences including the American Holistic Medical Association, Virginia Association of Hospices, Spirituality and Healthcare, International Sudden Infant Death Symposium, and Omega Institute of Holistic Studies. She is the author of Healing Hands, an internationally best-selling audio tape about therapeutic touch and complimentary approaches to pain management. She is certified in grief therapy, EMDR, hypnotherapy, and Critical Incident Stress Management.

WEBSITE: Dr. Lani Leary’s website:

Afterlife TV is presented by Afterlife Investigator & Psychic Medium Researcher Bob Olson, who is the author of Answers about the Afterlife: A Private Investigator’s 15-Year Research Unlocks the Mysteries of Life after Death.

Check out Bob Olson’s other sites: (a directory of hundreds of psychics & mediums by location with reviews & Instant Readings) & (his personal recommended list of tested psychics and mediums) or visit Bob’s Facebook Page. Bob also has a popular workshop for psychics and mediums at

Don’t miss another Afterlife TV episode. Join our email list to get new video announcements (and to download a free excerpt of Bob’s book): CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP FOR NEWSLETTER.

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  1. Carol says:

    This is deeply beautiful and true. Lani on ATV was first sought out in midst of my parents’ slow, simultaneous declines (3-4 years), a great comfort. I was their main emotional caretaker and casting about for anything that would help me bear witness and be totally present to the extraordinary things they were saying and doing.

    Her spirit is so loving.

    I might also recommend Maggie Callanan’s “Final Gifts.” I carried it everywhere during that time.

    Thanks for all you do, Bob.

    • Bob Olson says:

      Hi Carol,

      How nice that you got to have that experience at the end of their lives…Nice of you, too. Thanks for your comments.


  2. Arodi says:

    It is because of her other interview that I decided to volunteer in hospice. I start in a couple of months. I hadn’t seen this one yet. Thanks, Bob.

    • Bob Olson says:

      Hi Arodi,

      Wow, that’s nice to hear. Lani is very special, and I’m not surprised her example led you to this wonderful calling. Good for you.


  3. Ric P says:

    Hi, Bob; yet another powerful interview – awesome! She does great work, especially for those not knowing what’s next. I don’t know about you, Bob, but since I’ve been researching all this myself, I’ve found that I’m a bit jealous of not ever having an NDE or anything remotely close to it (and have had quite a few perfect opportunities)! Oh, well; that’s why I keep researching.. Anyway, thanks again for what you do!

    Much respect,


    • Bob Olson says:

      Hi Ric,

      I appreciate your kind comments. What you CAN do is experience a past-life regression, life-between-lives regression, and a reading with a medium (if you haven’t yet). Those three experiences alone will have a profound effect on you. And if you do any or all of them more than once, you gain something new each time. Thanks!


  4. Phyllis says:

    thanks again for a wonderful interview and bringing such important information into the LIGHT. I am so excited to be able to read Lani’s book- I am sure it will help me in my own journey as a hospice nurse-. Your show is such a gift in my life! thanks!!!

    • Bob Olson says:

      Hi Phyllis,

      I SO admire what you do for a calling. I have no doubt you’ll gain a lot from Lani’s book. Thank you for your kind comment.


  5. Dina says:

    Hi Bob 🙂

    Awesome interview.
    What a meaningful question and answer exchange this was!
    Experienced and observed,
    Golden nuggets of fantastic wisdom.

    Well done you two!

    Very Enlightening.

    Thank you ~ : )

  6. Anne Martin says:

    Hi Bob , Thanks for sharing this interview with Dr. Lani Leary . I found it very heart warming and interesting and think all the information that Yourself and Lani shared on What to do and say to the dying will be so valuable to anyone going through the time when they know they will be saying goodbye to a dear loved one or friend .. Thanks again for sharing .

    • Bob Olson says:

      Hello Anne,

      Well you are most welcome. I appreciate your thoughtful comment.


  7. Velga Adamsons says:

    How I wish I had had this interview to listen to 6 years ago when I was my husband’s caretaker during his end-stage cancer. I did my best to be and do what was best for him, but I see now how much better I could have handled his passing. This interview should be seen by everyone who has someone in their life that they love — and I guess that would be just about everyone. Dr. Leary’s gentle strength is so calming and her information is so vital and needed. Thank you for doing this work.

    • Bob Olson says:

      Thanks Velga,

      I agree everyone should hear Lani’s wisdom. Thanks for your comment. And I’m most sorry for the passing of your husband.


  8. Clara Irizarry says:

    I am a newbie to your website and I want to thank you for sharing the video with Dr. Lani Leary. Awesome! I lost my dad nearly 13 years ago and I am an his only child, so we were very close.
    My question to you and Dr. Leary from your experiences is can people hear us when they are between the living and spirit world and are about to pass? I wasn’t able to prepare my dad due to a massive stroke he had. He lasted two hours and in those two hours I let him know that his life mattered to me.

    • Bob Olson says:

      Hi Clara,

      My condolences on your dad’s passing. To answer your question, yes they can hear us when they are in that state — basically noncommunicative, almost comatose or even when comatose prior to passing. I’ve been present at many readings that mediums have given to people who were in that situation, and the people in spirit directly conveyed that they were completely aware of what was being said and done at that time (they even repeated the exact words that were spoken in a few cases). Be at peace and know that your dad heard you.


  9. Emma James says:

    We are flying out to visit my best friend who found out she is terminal 6 days ago. I listened to this interview and am very grateful to Dr. Leary for all her great tips. I am afraid I will fall apart but this is HER experience for which I have made a sort of plan.
    1. How can I help?
    2. What do you need?
    3. I’m listening.
    4. My husband & I keep picturing all the pure white healing light energy of all the universes pouring down through her 24/7.
    5. Reassure we are there for her husband & son.

    • Bob Olson says:

      Hi Emma,

      This is a great and compassionate plan. Sorry about the news. Best wishes to you and everyone involved.


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